Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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