Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
