If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he was CRYING into my vagina
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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