i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
