My liver just broke up with me...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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