The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Jerry, you need to find god
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He? As in you personified your dick?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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