there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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