Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
