All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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