you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
