i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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