He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
