It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
