Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
