If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
