I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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