i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
