Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
