Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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