Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
