Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
