I want to make a zoo with you.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
