Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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