On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
