Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
