You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
