WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
