His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
