i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
