nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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