i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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