Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
