i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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