life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
