when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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