A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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