White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
