just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
