I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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