And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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