Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
