You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
