my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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