i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this boner is exhausting
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
