he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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