After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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