you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
