I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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