i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
