dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
